just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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