Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
