shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Your penis caused this!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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