last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
