i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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