he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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