Will you blow on my dice?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
