He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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