Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
