Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
