There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
