Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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