shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
