he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
