drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
