what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize