It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
