Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
