Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
