woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize