Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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