She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
