EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
