that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize