i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
