Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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