My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Randomize
