if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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