There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
