I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she told me i tasted like america
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
