after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my shit smells like andre
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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