I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
