you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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