There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
