Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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