fuck your aforementioned shoe
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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