party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
