You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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