He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
