just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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