explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize