Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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