those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
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