Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
