Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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