Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize