and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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