Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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