PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
