How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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