she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
