I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
