I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
