Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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