are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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