Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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