Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
