We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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