I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
