so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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