If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
