so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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