bring money and cleavage
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
