My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
love makes seman taste better
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
