she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
