i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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