You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You smell like stripper and shame
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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