and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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