I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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