i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
