i just wanna soil my oats bro
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
