We should be called the Road Head Warriors
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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