I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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